Why English is so Difficult:
Have you ever wondered why the English language is so hard to master?
We polish the Polish furniture.
He could lead if he would get the lead out.
A farm can produce produce.
The dump was so full it had to refuse refuse.
The soldier decided to desert in the desert.
The present is a good time to present the present.
At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.
The dove dove into the bushes.
I did not object to the object.
The insurance for the invalid was invalid.
The bandage was wound around the wound.
They were too close to the door to close it.
The buck does funny things when the does are present.
They sent a sewer down to stitch the tear in the sewer line.
To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.
I shed a tear when I saw the tear in my clothes.
I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.
January 6, 2010
January 5, 2010
Daily Joke
Why Eat The Aliens:
Aliens come here without an invitation.
They mutilate our cattle.
They probe human abductees by shoving probes up their rectum.
They perform other unspeakable acts upon unsuspecting earth inhabitants.
There are a lot of them and they seem to be increasing in numbers.
They are Kosher.
Some say they ate Elvis.
They taste good if marinated with red wine and lots of garlic.
They fool around with the Space Shuttle, when the astronauts aren't looking.
Their meat is safer than British Beef.
You can't tell them from an undocumented illegal Mexican.
Aliens come here without an invitation.
They mutilate our cattle.
They probe human abductees by shoving probes up their rectum.
They perform other unspeakable acts upon unsuspecting earth inhabitants.
There are a lot of them and they seem to be increasing in numbers.
They are Kosher.
Some say they ate Elvis.
They taste good if marinated with red wine and lots of garlic.
They fool around with the Space Shuttle, when the astronauts aren't looking.
Their meat is safer than British Beef.
You can't tell them from an undocumented illegal Mexican.
January 4, 2010
Daily Joke
You are no longer a student when:
1. 6:00 am is when you get up, not when you go to sleep
2. Having sex in a single bed is absurd.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. Your fantasies of having sex with three women with lesbian tendencies are replaced by fantasies of having sex with anyone at all.
5. You don't volunteer for clinical trials at the local hospital.
6. You know all of the people sleeping in your house.
7. You hear your favorite song in the lift at work.
8. Informative TV does not include Richard and Judy.
9. The bank manager doesn't write threatening letters any more.
10. You carry an umbrella.
11. Seven-day benders are no longer realistic.
12. You don't go to Beer joint with all your friends.
13. You have standing orders and direct debits.
14. The heating works in your house.
15. Your friends marry and divorce instead of get together and break-up.
16. You pay the government thousands of pounds every year.
17. You go from 130 days of holidays to 20.
18. Jeans and a jumper no longer qualify as 'dressed up'.
19. You're the one calling the police because those damn kids next door won't turn down the stereo.
20. You get out of bed in the morning even if it's raining.
21. Washing up is not an annual ritual.
22. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
23. You don't know what time the kebab shop closes anymore.
24. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
25. You feed your dog Pal instead of McDonalds.
26. You don't get ideas for drinks from local tramps.
27. You don't put half-finished curries in the fridge to eat later.
28. You don't spend half your day strategically planning pub-crawls.
29. You "hate scrounging students".
30. You no longer have a strange attraction to road signs when drunk.
31. Sleeping in the lounge is a no-no.
32. You can't persuade your flatmates to 'Drink till dawn'.
33. You don't spend Wednesday afternoons in the pub.
34. You always know where you are when you wake up.
35. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 p.m.
36. A fire in the kitchen is not a laugh.
37. You go to the pharmacy for aspirin and antacids, not condoms and pregnancy test kits.
38. A £3 bottle of wine is no longer 'pretty good stuff'.
39. You can remember the name of the person you wake up next to.
40. You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.
41. You don't have mice living in your kitchen. (Or rats!)
42. Grocery lists are longer than pot noodles & cans of lager.
43. You don't go to Liquor Save to buy Vodka.
44. You have hovered.
45. Breaking the law means doing 40 in a 30 zone.
46. 'I just can't drink the way I used to' replaces 'I'm never going to drink that much again'.
47. Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
48. You don't experiment with banned substances.
49. You don't get drunk at home, to save money, before going to a pub.
50. You don’t find a "dump" left in the toilet hysterically funny anymore.
1. 6:00 am is when you get up, not when you go to sleep
2. Having sex in a single bed is absurd.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. Your fantasies of having sex with three women with lesbian tendencies are replaced by fantasies of having sex with anyone at all.
5. You don't volunteer for clinical trials at the local hospital.
6. You know all of the people sleeping in your house.
7. You hear your favorite song in the lift at work.
8. Informative TV does not include Richard and Judy.
9. The bank manager doesn't write threatening letters any more.
10. You carry an umbrella.
11. Seven-day benders are no longer realistic.
12. You don't go to Beer joint with all your friends.
13. You have standing orders and direct debits.
14. The heating works in your house.
15. Your friends marry and divorce instead of get together and break-up.
16. You pay the government thousands of pounds every year.
17. You go from 130 days of holidays to 20.
18. Jeans and a jumper no longer qualify as 'dressed up'.
19. You're the one calling the police because those damn kids next door won't turn down the stereo.
20. You get out of bed in the morning even if it's raining.
21. Washing up is not an annual ritual.
22. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
23. You don't know what time the kebab shop closes anymore.
24. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
25. You feed your dog Pal instead of McDonalds.
26. You don't get ideas for drinks from local tramps.
27. You don't put half-finished curries in the fridge to eat later.
28. You don't spend half your day strategically planning pub-crawls.
29. You "hate scrounging students".
30. You no longer have a strange attraction to road signs when drunk.
31. Sleeping in the lounge is a no-no.
32. You can't persuade your flatmates to 'Drink till dawn'.
33. You don't spend Wednesday afternoons in the pub.
34. You always know where you are when you wake up.
35. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 p.m.
36. A fire in the kitchen is not a laugh.
37. You go to the pharmacy for aspirin and antacids, not condoms and pregnancy test kits.
38. A £3 bottle of wine is no longer 'pretty good stuff'.
39. You can remember the name of the person you wake up next to.
40. You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.
41. You don't have mice living in your kitchen. (Or rats!)
42. Grocery lists are longer than pot noodles & cans of lager.
43. You don't go to Liquor Save to buy Vodka.
44. You have hovered.
45. Breaking the law means doing 40 in a 30 zone.
46. 'I just can't drink the way I used to' replaces 'I'm never going to drink that much again'.
47. Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
48. You don't experiment with banned substances.
49. You don't get drunk at home, to save money, before going to a pub.
50. You don’t find a "dump" left in the toilet hysterically funny anymore.
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