Women over 50 don't have babies because they would put them down and forget where they left them.
A friend of mine confused her valium with her birth control pills. She had 14 kids, but she doesn't really care.
The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you're doing, someone else does.
If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it will always be yours. If it doesn't come back, it was never yours to begin with. But, if it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money, and doesn't appear to realize that you had set it free, you either married it or gave birth to it.
Insanity is a woman's only means of relaxation.