July 31, 2009

Today's Joke

You know you're really broke when:

American Express calls and says: "Leave home without it!"

Your idea of a 7-course meal is taking a deep breath outside a restaurant.

You're formulating a plan to rob the food bank.

You've rolled so many pennies, you've formed a psychic bond with Abe Lincoln.

Long distance companies don't call you to switch anymore.

You look at your roommate and see a large fried chicken in tennis shoes.

You rob Peter...and then rob Paul.

You finally clean your house, hoping to find change.

You think of a lottery ticket as an investment.

Your bologna has no first name.

You give blood everyday... just for the orange juice.

Sally Struther's sends you food.

McDonald's supplies you with all your kitchen condiments.

At communion you go back for seconds.

You wash your toilet paper.

You have to save up to be poor.

You're in college.

On thanksgiving your dad would bring home a picture of a thanksgiving meal.

You owe yourself money.

You are sterilizing your urine for re-consumption.

Your imaginary friend has more money than you.

When you walk your clothes whistle in the wind.

July 30, 2009

Today's Joke

Touching and Heartfelt Men's Stories:

I was walking through the cemetery this morning and saw a guy crouching down behind a tombstone. I said "morning." He said, "No, just taking a shit".

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized that the Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and asked him to forgive me.

My girlfriend was in labor with our first child. She was shouting out, "Get this out of me? Give me the drugs." She looked at me and said, "You did this to me you bastard!" I casually replied, "If you would care to remember, I wanted to stick it up your ass but you said, " No, it'll be too painful."

I went to an extremely attractive female doctor today for my annual checkup. She told me that I had to quit masturbating. I asked why and she told me, "because I am trying to examine you."

I was walking down the road today and saw my Afghani neighbor, Abdul, standing on his fifth floor apartment balcony shaking a carpet. I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?"

My girlfriend and I were making love last night when she looked up at me and said "Make love to me like in the movies". So I turned her over on all fours, stuck it in her ass, pulled out, flipped her back over and came all over her face and hair. Man was she upset, I guess we don't watch the same movies.

July 29, 2009

Today's Joke

Workplace Sayings:

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.

2. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a fuck.

3. How about "never"? Is "never" good for you?

4. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.

5. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

6. Ahhh, I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again.

7. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

8. I'm already visualising the duct tape over your mouth.

9. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

10. Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

11. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

12. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

13. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

14. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

15. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

16. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

17. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

18. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

19. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

20. No, my powers can only be used for good.

21. I'm really easy to get along with once people learn to
worship me.

22. You sound reasonable... it must be time to up my medication.

23. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

24. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

25. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

26. Who me? I just wander from room to room.

27. My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!

Useful Expressions for those HIGH STRESS days:

1. Well, aren't we just a ray of fucking sunshine?

2. Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?

3. Do I look like a fucking people person?

4. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

5. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.

6. You! Off my planet!!

7. Practice random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control.

8. I like cats too. Let's exchange recipes.

9. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?

10. And your crybaby whiny opinion would be...?

11. How many times do I have to flush before you go away?

12. Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?

13. How do I set a laser printer to stun?

14. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.

15. When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.

16. Earth is full, Go home.

July 28, 2009

Today's Joke

You know you're kinky when ....

--- You keep the ACE Hardware catalog with your other pornography.

--- You were always disappointed that the book Of Human Bondage wasn't.

--- Sticks and stones may break your bones, but that's an acceptable risk.

--- You read Andrea Dworkin for the pornography.

--- You call people other than your Father "Daddy."

--- Reading the word spanking makes you blush.

--- Your first, favorite scout badge was for knot tying.

--- You moved to Oregon so you could wear more raincoats.

--- Kitchen utensils are found in your bedroom.

--- Tack shops: There not just for equestrians anymore.

--- You own and use handcuffs, but aren't employed in law enforcement.

--- Your contracts involve punishments, but no money.

--- Your friends covet the bondage cross in your bedroom.

--- You hear about a Bridal Fashion Show to be held in your town, and you think, "Cool! I've always wanted to see what pony gear looks like ON someone!"

--- Your entire Music collection consists of music you can Scene to.

--- You give a new song a rating of 65. It's got a good beat and you can squirm to it.

--- You start to salivate and get aroused as you pass the local candle factory.

--- You always smell like the Candle's Scent---Of---The---Month.

--- Canning season gets you *really* excited.

--- You see a sign in front of a house that reads, Chairs Caned, and you stop to see if the poor guy needs a PERSON to cane.

--- Citibank calls you because someone used your credit card to make a huge purchase at a tack shop in another state, and they know that you live in a metropolitan area and don't own a horse.

--- You make your vacation destination decisions based on that area's Assault and Battery, Consent, and Sexual Deviance laws.

--- Your Avon Representative politely informs you that the company has no plans to make that Eau de Leather scent you have been pestering them about.

--- Your idea of Fantasy Island looks far more like "Exit to Eden" than anything they showed on TV.

--- They know you by name, size, and favorite colors at four local leather shops.

--- You need an 18-Wheeler Truck to haul all your sex toys to a party.

--- Your son's Boy Scout Troop thinks you are way cool because you helped them earn their merit badge for knot tying.

July 27, 2009

Today's Joke

Q and A Iraqi War Jokes:

Q: What does Saddam want for Thanksgiving?

A: Turkey.

Q. What do Miss Muffet and Saddam Hussein have in common?

A. They both have Kurds in their Whey.

Q. What do Sadaam Hussein and General Custer have in common?

A. They both want to know where the hell those Tomahawks are coming from!

Q: What is the best Iraqi job?

A: Foreign Ambassador

Q. How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A. None. They can't turn them on anyway.

Q. Did you hear that it is twice as easy to train Iraqi fighter pilots?

A. You only have to teach them to take off.

Q. How do you play Iraqi bingo?

A. B-52...F-16...B-52

Q: What is Iraq's national bird?

A: Duck

Q: What's the difference between Aeroflot and the Scud Missile?

A: Aeroflot has killed more people.

Q: How is Saddam like Fred Flintstone?

A: Both may look out their windows and see Rubble.

Q: Why do all Iraqi soldiers carry a piece of sandpaper?

A: They need a map....

Q: Why does the Iraqi Navy have glass bottom boats?

A: So they can see their Air Force.

Q: What's the fastest way to break up a bingo game in Baghdad?

A: You shout out, "B-52"

Q: Why doesn't Saddam go out drinking?

A: Why should he when he can get bombed at home?

Q: Have you heard about the new Royal Iraqi Air Force exercise program?

A: Each morning you raise your hands above your head and leave them there.

Q: What should Iraq get for its air defense system?

A: A refund.

Q: Who is an Iraqi Hero?

A: He's the one that waited thirty seconds before he surrendered.

Q: Why doesn't Saddam Hussein get hemorrhoids?

A: Because he's a perfect asshole.

Q: Did you hear that Saddam Hussein won the toss?

A: He elected to receive.

Q: Did you hear about the new musical group in Iraq?
A: No Kids on the Block.

July 25, 2009

Today's Joke

Crazy Mike:

Crazy Mike the Biker walks into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist, "Listen, I have three girls coming over tonight. I've never had three girls at once, and I need something to keep me horny... keep me potent."
The pharmacist reaches under the counter, unlocks the bottom drawer and takes out a small cardboard box marked with a label "Viagra Extra Strength" and says, "Here, if you eat this, you'll go NUTS for 12 hours!"

Then Crazy Mike says, "Gimme three boxes!"
The next day, Crazy Mike walks into the same pharmacy, right up to the same pharmacist and pulls down his pants.
The pharmacist looks in horror as he notices the man's penis is black and blue, and the skin is hanging off in some places.

Crazy Mike says, "Gimme a bottle of BenGay."

The pharmacist replies, "BenGay?!?!?!
You're not going to put BenGay on that are you?" 

Crazy Mike says, "No, it's for my arms, the girls didn't show up."

July 24, 2009

Today's Joke

Caution Blondes at Work:

There were two blond gals working for the city council.
One would dig a hole, the other would follow behind her and fill the hole in.
They worked furiously all day without rest, one gal digging a hole, the other gal filling it in again. 

An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing so he asked the hole digger,
"I appreciate the effort you are putting into your work, but what's the story? You dig a hole and your partner follows behind and fills it up again." 

The hole digger wiped her brow and sighed, "Well, normally we are a three-woman team, but the girl who plants the trees is sick today."

July 23, 2009

Today's Joke

Last In Line:

A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck and everyone inside dies. When they get to meet their maker, because of the grief they have experienced, he decides to grant them one wish each before they enter Heaven.
They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what their wish is.
"I want to be gorgeous." So God snaps His fingers, and it is done.  
The second one in line hears this and says, "I want to be gorgeous too." Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted.
This goes on for a while with each one asking to be gorgeous but when God is halfway down the line, the last guy in the line starts laughing. When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor, laughing his head off.
Finally, God reaches this last guy and asks him what his wish will be.  
The guy eventually calms down and says: "Make 'em all ugly again."
So, the next time you are last in line...smile!

July 22, 2009

Today's Joke

Her Doctor:

A girl went to see her doctor, so he could teach her about the 'birds and the bees.'

When they got to the part about sex and pregnancies, she asked her doctor, "Can I get pregnant from anal sex?" 

The doctor replied, "Of course you can dear replied the doctor, that is where attorneys come from!"

July 21, 2009

Today's Joke

Here are Actual Letters to a Pastor:

**Dear Pastor,
I know God loves everybody but He never met my
Yours sincerely,
Arnold. Age 8, Nashville.

**Dear Pastor,
My father should be a minister. Every day he
gives us a sermon about something.
Robert, Page 11, Anderson

**Dear Pastor,
I'm sorry I can't leave more money in the plate, but my father didn't give me a raise in my allowance. Could you have a sermon about a raise in my allowance?
Love, Patty. Age 10, New Haven

**Dear Pastor,
My mother is very religious. She goes to play bingo at church every week even if she has a cold.
Yours truly,
Annette. Age 9, Albany

**Dear Pastor,
I think a lot more people would come to your church if you moved it to Disneyland.
Loreen. Age 9. Tacoma

**Dear Pastor,
Please say a prayer for our Little League team. We need God's help or a new pitcher.
Thank you.
Alexander. Age 10, Raleigh

**Dear Pastor,
My father says I should learn the Ten Commandments. But I don't think I want to because we have enough rules already in my house.
Joshua. Age 10, South Pasadena

**Dear Pastor,
I liked your sermon on Sunday. Especially when it was finished.
Ralph, Age 11, Akron

July 20, 2009

Today's Joke

Why Men Stand to Pee:

Seems God was just about done creating the universe, but he had two extra benefits (things) left in his bag of creations, so he decided to split them between Adam and Eve.
He told the couple that one of the things he had to give away was the ability to stand up while urinating.
"It's a very handy thing," God told the couple, "I was wondering if either one of you wanted the ability.
Adam jumped up and blurted, "Oh, give that to me! I'd love to... please, oh please, oh please, let me have that ability.
It'd be so great!
When I'm working in the garden or naming the animals. I could just stand there and let it fly. It'd be so cool, I could write my name in the sand" On and on he went, Eve just smiled and told God that if Adam really wanted that so badly, that he should have it and she really wouldn't mind.
And so Adam was given the ability to control the direction of his misdirection while in a vertical position. And so, he was happy, laughing with delight all the while. And it was good.

"Fine," God said, looking back into his bag of leftover gifts, "What's left here?
Oh yes, Multiple orgasms... Eve enjoy life's pleasures"

July 19, 2009

Today's Joke

Letter To FAA


Dear Sirs,
I have the solution for the prevention of hijackings, 
and at the same time getting our airline industry 
back on its feet. 

Since men of the Muslim religion are not allowed 
to look at naked women we should replace all of 
our female flight attendants with strippers.
Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for 
fear of seeing a naked woman, and of course, 
every businessman in this country would start 
flying again in the hopes of seeing a naked woman.
We would have no more hijackings, and the airline 
industry would have record sales.

Now, why didn't Congress think of that?


Bill Clinton 

July 18, 2009

Today's Joke

Can You Spell That Ma'am:

A traffic policeman in Brooklyn recently stopped a woman for exceeding the posted speed limit.
He asked the driver her name.

She said, "I'm Mrs. Chadivaler Zuminskagia Ragretumunga from the Republic of Uzbetikan visiting my daughter from Columbia where she is currently residing in Schenectady."

As she finished speaking the cop paused for a moment and then put away his summons book and pen, and said, "Well... OK... but don't let me catch you speeding again."

July 17, 2009

Today's Joke

Is Bill Clinton Really Black:

A black comedian in Canada thinks so, here is what he had to say live on Canadian TV
Yep, that's right - I miss Bill Clinton.
He was the closest thing the USA ever got to having a black man as President before Barack Obama, who after all is half white.

Number 1 - He played the sax.

Number 2 - He smoked weed.
Number 3 - He has sex with ugly white women.

Even now - Look at him. His wife works and he doesn't.

And, he gets a check from the government every month.

July 16, 2009

Today's Joke

The 3 Moles:

There was a mamma mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole.
They lived in a hole outside of a farm house out in the country.
The papa mole reached his head out of the hole and said, “Mmmmm, I smell sausage.”
The mamma mole reached her head outside of the hole and said “Mmmmmm, I smell pancakes.”
The baby mole tried to reach his head outside the hole but couldn't because of the two bigger moles.
The baby mole said, “The only thing I can smell is molasses.”

Hello, didn't get this one, read the last line again, slowly!

July 15, 2009

Today's Joke


A guy calls his wife from the emergency room.
He tells her that his finger got cut off at the construction site where he works.

"Oh my God!!" cries the woman.
"The whole finger?"

"No," replies the guy.
"The one next to it!"

July 14, 2009

Today's Joke

Male Language Patterns:

"I can't find it,"
REALLY MEANS, "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"That's woman's work,"
REALLY MEANS, "It's dirty, difficult and thankless."

"Will you marry me?"
REALLY MEANS, "Both my roommates have moved out, I can't find the washer, and there is no more peanut butter."

"It's a guy thing,"
REALLY MEANS, "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"Can I help with dinner?"
REALLY MEANS, "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"It would take too long to explain,"
REALLY MEANS, "I have no idea how it works."

"I'm getting more exercise lately,"
REALLY MEANS, "The batteries in the remote are dead."

"We're going to be late,"
REALLY MEANS, "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."

"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard,"
REALLY MEANS, "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"That's interesting, dear,"
REALLY MEANS, "Are you still talking?"

"Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love,"
REALLY MEANS, "I forgot our anniversary again."

"You expect too much of me,"
REALLY MEANS, "You want me to stay awake."

"It's really a good movie,"
REALLY MEANS, "It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and naked women."

"You know how bad my memory is,"
REALLY MEANS, "I remember the words to the theme song of 'The Brady Bunch', the address of the first girl I kissed, the Vehicle Identification Number of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

"I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses,"
REALLY MEANS, "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe, wearing a thong."

"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself. It's no big deal,"
REALLY MEANS, "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt."

"I do help around the house,"
REALLY MEANS, "I once threw a dirty towel near the laundry basket."

"Hey, I've got reasons for what I'm doing,"
REALLY MEANS, "I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

"What did I do this time?"
REALLY MEANS, "What did you catch me doing?"

"She's one of the rabid feminists,"
REALLY MEANS, "She refused to make my coffee."

"I heard you,"
REALLY MEANS, "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."

"You really look terrific in that outfit,"
REALLY MEANS, "Please don't try on another outfit. I'm starving."

"I brought you a present,"
REALLY MEANS, "It was free ice scraper night at the ball/hockey game."

"I missed you,"
REALLY MEANS, "I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry and we are out of toilet paper."

"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are,"
REALLY MEANS, "No one will ever see us alive again."

"This relationship is getting too serious,"
REALLY MEANS, "I like you as much as I like my truck."

"We share the housework,"
REALLY MEANS, "I make the messes. She cleans them up."

"I don't need to read the instructions,"
REALLY MEANS, "I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help."

July 13, 2009

Today's Joke

A Fishy Story:

This is classified in the ‘Stupid’ category, but see what you think...
One cutting edge aquarium saved a lot of money when its owner discovered a means to make the dolphins live forever.
Since the dolphins never died, no money needed to be spent on buying new ones.
Extending the dolphins' lives required putting a special mixture into their food; one of the ingredients was baby sea gull meat.
So one day, one of the workers was sent to the beach to find some.
On the way back, baby sea gulls in hand, he had to pass through a forest. In the middle of the path was a sleeping lion. He very carefully stepped over it, only to be handcuffed by a policeman.

"Officer," he said, "What's going on?"

"You're under arrest," said the policeman.

"But why?" he asked.

The policeman replied, "For transporting young gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises."

Didn't get it, read the last line again, slowly!

July 12, 2009

Today's Joke

One Afternoon:

An elderly couple came back from a wedding one afternoon and were in a pretty romantic mood.
While sitting on their loveseat, the elderly woman looked at her companion and said, "I remember when you used to kiss me every chance you had." 

The old man feeling a bit obliged leaned over and gave her a peck on the cheek.

Then she said, "I also remember when you used to hold my hand at every opportunity.
The old man again feeling obligated reached over and gently placed his hand on hers.

The elderly woman then stated, "I also remember when you used to nibble on my neck and send chills down my spine." 

This time, the old man had a blank stare on his face and started to get up off the couch.

As he began to walk out of the living room, his wife asked, "Was it something I said, where are you going?"

The old man looked at her and replied, "I'm going in the other room to get my teeth!"

July 11, 2009

Today's Joke

Interpreting Your Date:

The trick to successful dating is learning how to interpret the hidden signs, those tiny giveaway gestures that can tell you so much about a person.
Train yourself to recognize and decode these key "signs."

1. Woman won't unlock car door for man.
- Doesn't engage in oral sex.

2. Man gets in car without opening door for woman.
- No foreplay.

3. Can't hail a cab.
- Impotent.

4. Insists on going to a brand new restaurant.
- Prefers virgins.

5. Insists on going to a brand new restaurant but gets lost on the way.
- Is a virgin.

6. Insists on going to a romantic, candlelit restaurant.
- Compulsive Don Juan.

7. Insists in going to a homey little cafe with windmill motif.
- Compulsive Don Quixote.

8. Insists on going to a Polynesian bar.
- Compulsive Don Ho.

9. Wants to go to a French Restaurant.
- Will swallow.

10. Wants to go to a deli.
- Won't swallow.

11. Uses Sweet n' Low.
- Wearing falsies.

12. Takes too long deciding what to order.
- Has trouble reaching orgasm.

13. Orders salad dressing on the side.
- Will give you a hand job but will not go "all the way."

14. Gives explicit orders to waiter.
- Will expect incredibly skillful gymnastics in bed.

15. Asks for extra rolls.
- Will say she's using birth control when when she's not, will get pregnant and sue.

16. Insists on ordering for you, referring to you as "The lady will have..."
- Thinks you had an orgasm when you didn't.

17. Asks for "the usual"
- Insists on missionary position only.

18. Asks what the specials are.
- Will want you to use handcuffs.

19. Fills up on bread and crackers.
- Premature ejaculator.

20. Doesn't finish everything on plate.
- Has already cum.

21. Insists on having some of whatever you ordered.
- Will make you sleep on wet spot.

22. Changes mind after ordering.
- Will never call you.

23. Changes tables.
- Nymphomaniac.

24. Drinks decaf.
- Fakes orgasms (females only).

25. Orders in French.
- Fakes multiple orgasms (male).

26. Sends food back.
- Will sleep with you, brag to all his friends, then try to borrow money.

27. Asks for detailed descriptions of desserts.
- Needs you to talk dirty during sex.

28. Orders a dessert involving ladyfingers.
- Wants a handjob.

29. Orders a dessert involving nuts.
- Castrating bitch.

30. Wants to split dessert.
- Is dying to get rid of her apartment, move in with you, rearrange all your closets, and take down all your baseball posters.

31. Credit card is refused.
- Low sperm count.

32. Undertips waiter.
- Small penis.

33. Undertips parking valet.
- Small penis.

34. Undertips cabbie.
- Small penis.

35. Uses toothpick.
- Is trying to tell you size isn't everything.

36. Removable cassette player in car.
- Pull outs repeatedly during sex.

37. Cellular phone in car.
- Penile implant.

38. Has GPS Device in car.
- Mommy's boy.

July 10, 2009

Today's Joke

Birth Control:

An elderly woman went to her local doctor’s office and asked to speak with her doctor. When the receptionist asked why she was there, she replied, “I’d like to have some birth control pills.”

Taken back, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, “Excuse me, Mrs. Glenwood, but you’re 80 years old. What would you possibly need birth control pills for?”

The woman replied, “They help me sleep better.”

The doctor considered this for a second, and continued… “How in the world do birth control pills help you sleep?”

The woman said, “I put them in my granddaughter’s orange juice, and I sleep better at night.”

July 9, 2009

Today's Joke

Deep Thoughts:

- If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn’t the whole airplane made out of the same stuff?
- Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
- If most car accidents occur within five miles of home, why doesn’t everyone just move 10 miles away?
- If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
- I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
- If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
- Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
- Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
- If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
- Why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs? Shouldn’t they be wearing night gowns?

July 7, 2009

Today's Joke:

Ethnic Joke:

Q) Did you hear about the crash in Wal-mart parking lot between a van and a pickup truck?

A) 50 Mexicans died!

July 2, 2009

Today's Joke:

Barack Obama versus an Intelligent Little Girl:

During the campaign, Barack Obama was seated next to a little girl on an airplane trip back to Washington. He turned to her and said, “Let’s talk. I’ve heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to Obama, “What would you like to talk about?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” said the Obama. “How about What Changes I Should Make To America?” and he smiles.

“OK,” she says. “That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?”

Obama, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks about it for a second and finally says, “Hmmm, I have no idea.”

To which the little girl replies, “Do you really feel qualified to change America when you don’t know shit?”

July 1, 2009

Today's Joke:

Men and Oral Sex:

5,000 men were asked to complete a survey on what THEY liked best about "Oral Sex"

a.. 3% liked the warmth.

b.. 4% enjoyed the sensation.

c.. 93% appreciated the silence!