Today's Joke

Interpreting Your Date:

The trick to successful dating is learning how to interpret the hidden signs, those tiny giveaway gestures that can tell you so much about a person.
Train yourself to recognize and decode these key "signs."

1. Woman won't unlock car door for man.
- Doesn't engage in oral sex.

2. Man gets in car without opening door for woman.
- No foreplay.

3. Can't hail a cab.
- Impotent.

4. Insists on going to a brand new restaurant.
- Prefers virgins.

5. Insists on going to a brand new restaurant but gets lost on the way.
- Is a virgin.

6. Insists on going to a romantic, candlelit restaurant.
- Compulsive Don Juan.

7. Insists in going to a homey little cafe with windmill motif.
- Compulsive Don Quixote.

8. Insists on going to a Polynesian bar.
- Compulsive Don Ho.

9. Wants to go to a French Restaurant.
- Will swallow.

10. Wants to go to a deli.
- Won't swallow.

11. Uses Sweet n' Low.
- Wearing falsies.

12. Takes too long deciding what to order.
- Has trouble reaching orgasm.

13. Orders salad dressing on the side.
- Will give you a hand job but will not go "all the way."

14. Gives explicit orders to waiter.
- Will expect incredibly skillful gymnastics in bed.

15. Asks for extra rolls.
- Will say she's using birth control when when she's not, will get pregnant and sue.

16. Insists on ordering for you, referring to you as "The lady will have..."
- Thinks you had an orgasm when you didn't.

17. Asks for "the usual"
- Insists on missionary position only.

18. Asks what the specials are.
- Will want you to use handcuffs.

19. Fills up on bread and crackers.
- Premature ejaculator.

20. Doesn't finish everything on plate.
- Has already cum.

21. Insists on having some of whatever you ordered.
- Will make you sleep on wet spot.

22. Changes mind after ordering.
- Will never call you.

23. Changes tables.
- Nymphomaniac.

24. Drinks decaf.
- Fakes orgasms (females only).

25. Orders in French.
- Fakes multiple orgasms (male).

26. Sends food back.
- Will sleep with you, brag to all his friends, then try to borrow money.

27. Asks for detailed descriptions of desserts.
- Needs you to talk dirty during sex.

28. Orders a dessert involving ladyfingers.
- Wants a handjob.

29. Orders a dessert involving nuts.
- Castrating bitch.

30. Wants to split dessert.
- Is dying to get rid of her apartment, move in with you, rearrange all your closets, and take down all your baseball posters.

31. Credit card is refused.
- Low sperm count.

32. Undertips waiter.
- Small penis.

33. Undertips parking valet.
- Small penis.

34. Undertips cabbie.
- Small penis.

35. Uses toothpick.
- Is trying to tell you size isn't everything.

36. Removable cassette player in car.
- Pull outs repeatedly during sex.

37. Cellular phone in car.
- Penile implant.

38. Has GPS Device in car.
- Mommy's boy.