July 28, 2009

Today's Joke

You know you're kinky when ....

--- You keep the ACE Hardware catalog with your other pornography.

--- You were always disappointed that the book Of Human Bondage wasn't.

--- Sticks and stones may break your bones, but that's an acceptable risk.

--- You read Andrea Dworkin for the pornography.

--- You call people other than your Father "Daddy."

--- Reading the word spanking makes you blush.

--- Your first, favorite scout badge was for knot tying.

--- You moved to Oregon so you could wear more raincoats.

--- Kitchen utensils are found in your bedroom.

--- Tack shops: There not just for equestrians anymore.

--- You own and use handcuffs, but aren't employed in law enforcement.

--- Your contracts involve punishments, but no money.

--- Your friends covet the bondage cross in your bedroom.

--- You hear about a Bridal Fashion Show to be held in your town, and you think, "Cool! I've always wanted to see what pony gear looks like ON someone!"

--- Your entire Music collection consists of music you can Scene to.

--- You give a new song a rating of 65. It's got a good beat and you can squirm to it.

--- You start to salivate and get aroused as you pass the local candle factory.

--- You always smell like the Candle's Scent---Of---The---Month.

--- Canning season gets you *really* excited.

--- You see a sign in front of a house that reads, Chairs Caned, and you stop to see if the poor guy needs a PERSON to cane.

--- Citibank calls you because someone used your credit card to make a huge purchase at a tack shop in another state, and they know that you live in a metropolitan area and don't own a horse.

--- You make your vacation destination decisions based on that area's Assault and Battery, Consent, and Sexual Deviance laws.

--- Your Avon Representative politely informs you that the company has no plans to make that Eau de Leather scent you have been pestering them about.

--- Your idea of Fantasy Island looks far more like "Exit to Eden" than anything they showed on TV.

--- They know you by name, size, and favorite colors at four local leather shops.

--- You need an 18-Wheeler Truck to haul all your sex toys to a party.

--- Your son's Boy Scout Troop thinks you are way cool because you helped them earn their merit badge for knot tying.

No comments: