May 29, 2009

Today's Daily Joke:


--- You keep the ACE Hardware catalog with your other pornography.
--- You were always disappointed that the book Of Human Bondage wasn't.
--- Sticks & stones may break your bones, but that's an acceptable risk.
--- You read Andrea Dworkin for the pornography.
--- You call men other than your Father "Daddy."
--- Reading the word spanking makes you blush.
--- Your first, favorite scout badge was for knot tying.
--- You moved to Oregon so you could wear more raincoats.
--- Kitchen utensils are found in your bedroom.
--- Tack shops: Not just for equestrians anymore.
--- You own and use handcuffs, but aren't employed in law enforcement.
--- Your contracts involve punishments, but no money.
--- Your friends covet the bondage cross in your bedroom.
--- You hear about a Bridal Fashion Show to be held in your town, and you think, "Cool! I've always wanted to see what pony gear looks like ON someone!"
--- Your entire Music collection consists of music you can Scene to.
--- You give a new song a rating of 65. It's got a good beat and you can squirm to it.
--- You start to salivate and get aroused as you pass the local candle factory.
--- You always smell like Yankee Candle's Scent---Of---The---Month.
--- Canning season gets you *really* excited.
--- You see a sign in front of a house that reads, Chairs Caned, and you stop to see if the poor guy needs a PERSON to cane.
--- Citibank calls you because someone used your credit card to make a huge purchase at a tack shop in another state, and they know that you live in a metropolitan area and don't own a horse.
--- You make your vacation destination decisions based on that area's Assault and Battery, Consent, and Sexual Deviance laws.
--- Your Avon Representative politely informs you that the company has no plans to make that Eau de Leather scent you have been pestering them about.
--- Your idea of Fantasy Island looks far more like "Exit to Eden" than anything they showed on TV.
--- They know you by name, size, and favorite colors at four local leather shops.
--- You need an 18---wheeler to haul all your toys to a party.
--- Your son's Boy Scout Troop thinks you are way cool because you helped them earn their merit badge for knot tying.

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