A bus driver is conducting a tour of famous Civil War battle sites.
"Here," he points out at one spot, "is where the Southern troops routed a whole regiment of Yankees.
Over there, the Rebs wiped out a whole platoon of Yanks.
Down about a mile, there's another valley where we captured a thousand Union soldiers."
A tourist says, "Didn't the North ever win a battle?"
"Yes ma'am. But not while I'm driving this bus."