Reasons For Being Fired From Toys 'R' Us:
15. A little too much self-enjoyment while demonstrating the erector set, if you know what I mean.
14. Every time you're passed over for a promotion, you stick your head in an Easy Bake Oven and threaten to "end it all."
13. You got caught adding a garage to your house using embezzled Lego Blocks.
12. Numerous parental complaints about your "Tickle Me Carl The Stock Boy" display.
11. You went overboard with your GI Joe Militia display by adding the Tonka truck full of fertilizer and diesel fuel.
10. Cross-dressing the Ken and Barbie dolls and telling kids they're the new "Jerry Springer" editions.
9. The "My Little Taxidermy Kit" (with starter squirrel) is not selling.
8. Impromptu demonstrations of why Malibu Ken is not anatomically correct.
7. Got caught doing your Dolly Parton impression with basketballs again.
6. Source of reefer smoke finally traced to "nostrils" of Geoffrey the Giraffe.
5. Jaws of Life needed to pull your knees out of your chest after you jackknifed a Big Wheel.
4. Caught hocking phlegm into tykes' hands and telling them it was "homemade Playdoh."
3. Your sales display, "Barbie's Struggle for Survival in Post-Nuclear Holocaust Malibu" was not exactly an overwhelming success.
2. Too many reports from people who swear they saw Elmo in a gay leather bar.
1. Regardless of the question, you answer, "Bite me, kid - I'm on a break."