April 30, 2010

Today's Daily Joke

Something to Offend Everybody:

What's the best form of birth control after 40?


What do attorneys use for birth control?

Their personalities.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

45 lbs.

What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?

45 minutes.

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?

Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins?

They can't stand criticism.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?

After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of

Why does the bride always wear white?

Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and

A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has
the biggest boobs?

The blonde, because she's 18.

Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?

Ask your Mom.

What is the quickest way to clear out a men's restroom?

Say, "Nice Dick."

Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?

Because they have cotton balls.

What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?

A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?

Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?

Mace will do that to you.

Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?

Everyone has the same DNA.

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the

A speech impediment.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

Breasts don't have eyes.

Why aren't there any Mexicans on Star Trek?

Because they're not going to work in the future either.

Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?

He walks around saying "Yo."

What's the difference between a Southern zoo, and a Northern zoo?

A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front the cage, 
along with a recipe.

What's the Cuban National Anthem?

Row row row your boat.

What's the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern

A Northern fairytale begins Once upon a time.

A Southern fairytale begins Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit.

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