Murphy's Police Laws:
1. Bullet Proof' vests aren't.
2. The speed at which you respond to a fight call
is inversely proportional to how long you've been
3. High-speed chases will always proceed from an
area of light traffic to an area of extremely heavy
4. If you know someone who tortures animals and
wets the bed, he is either a serial killer or he works
for Internal Affairs.
5. Flash suppressors don't really.
6. If you have 'cleared' all the rooms and met no
resistance, you and your entry team have probably
kicked in the door of the wrong house.
7. Domestic arguments will always migrate from an
area of few available weapons (living room), to an
area with many available weapons (kitchen).
8. If you have just punched out a handcuffed
prisoner for spitting at you, you are about to
become a star on `Eyewitness News'.
9. When a civilian sees a red light approaching
at a high rate of speed, he will always pull into
the lane the cop needs to use.
10. If you drive your patrol car to the geometric
center of the Gobi Desert, within five minutes
some dumb civilian will pull along side you and
ask for directions.
11. You can never drive slow enough to please
the citizens who don't need a cop, and you can
never drive fast enough to please the ones who
12. From behind you, the bad guys can see your
night sights as well as you can.
13. The longer you've been a cop, the shorter
your flashlight and your temper gets.
14. Whatever you are about to do, if there is a
good chance it will get you killed, you probably
shouldn't do it.
15. You should never do a shotgun search of a
dark warehouse with a cop whose nickname is
16. The better you do your job, the more likely you
are to be shot, injured, complained on, sued,
investigated, or subpoenaed on your day off.
17. If a large group of drunk bikers is "holed-up" in
a house, the Department will send one officer in a
beat car. If there is one biker "holed-up" in a house,
they will send the entire S. W. A. T. Team.