Q. Why did God give men penises ?
A. So they'd have at least one way to shut a woman up.
Q. What's the difference between a paycheck and your dick?
A. You don't have to beg a woman to blow your paycheck.
Q. How is a woman like a laxative ?
A. They both irritate the shit out of you.
Q. What are the small bumps around a womans' nipples for ?
A. Its Braille for "suck here".
Q. Why do men die before their wives ?
A. They want to.
Q. Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women ?
A. He died laughing before he could tell anybody.
Q. What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a pitbull?
Q. Why do women have tits ?
A. So men will talk to them.
Q. What's the difference between a woman and a coffin ?
A. You come in one and go in the other.
Q. Why do women close their eyes during sex ?
A. They can't stand seeing a man have a good time.
Q. What's six inches long and two inches wide and drives women wild ?
Q. Why did the army send so many women with pms to the Persian Gulf ?
A. They fought like animals and retained water for 4 days.
Q. What's the difference between your wife and your job ?
A. After 5 years your job will still suck.
Q. What's the best thing about a blow job ?
A. Ten minutes of silence.
Q. Why are hurricanes normally named after women ?
A. When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them