Slip Of The Tongue:
A guy boards a train bound for Pittsburgh and sits down in his seat.
He immediately notices that the guy next to him has a deeply bruised, black eye.
"Heck, what a coincidence! We both have black eyes! Mind if I ask how you got yours?"
"Well," explains the man, "I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with beautiful breasts was behind the counter. When I asked to purchase a ticket to Pittsburgh, I accidentally blurted out 'I'd like a picket to Tittsburgh' and so she sucker-punched me!"
The man continues, "What's your story?"
The other guy explains, "I was at the breakfast table and I meant to say to my wife, Please pour me a bowl of Wheaties, but I accidentally said, You ruined my life you stupid bitch."