October 22, 2009

The New Joks of the Day

Reasons For A Girl To Choose A Dog and Not A Man:
A dog has long been a man's best friend.
Few women have a problem with that.
But when a popular magazine devoted to the hunting, shooting, and fishing suggested 50 reasons why dogs are better than women, it started the paw wars.

So here are the reasons ladies you need to run out and get a dog....

Spots are an attractive feature on a dog.

A dog is better protection from intruders.

Dogs enjoy ball games. But they don't spend six hours on the phone trying to get tickets for World Series.

Dogs greet each other by sniffing their bottoms. Men on the other hand are far less polite.

Puppy love doesn't wear off so quickly with a dog.

You can be prosecuted for neglecting a dog.

Dogs can’t go to jail for being Pedophiles.

Dogs can find their way back home even after a really heavy night out.

Dogs can be trained not to lie on the bed. Men always lie in bed.

A dog can molt without becoming obsessed about premature baldness.

Dogs can be taught the meaning of the word "NO!"

A dog is far less irritation to have in the back seat of a car and will be less likely to show its rear end to the people in the vehicle behind for a laugh.

Elizabeth Hurley has a faithful dog that she loves dearly. I wonder how affectionate that dog really is?

Dogs will wait patiently outside clothes shops and not criticize your purchases afterwards.

A dog will fetch the morning paper for you.

A dog will trot faithfully round at your heels.

Dogs don't break wind in public and blame it on the woman.

In the canine world, boxers are quite intelligent.

If a dog gets ill, it won't take eighteen Tylenol in order to avoid having to go to the vet.

You can also ask the vet to perform the snip, even if the dog objects.

Small, ginger-haired dogs can be quite appealing. As for men? Two words. Robin Cook.

You can find a nice dog by advertising on a card in a shop window, or in the classified section of the local paper.

A woman can live with more than one dog, without rumors starting.

When dogs beg, it's cute. When men beg it's pathetic.

A dog will sometimes dig the garden.

A dog can go out foxhunting without being incredibly stuck up and pompous.

Dogs don't necessarily prefer blondes.

Dogs won't get embarrassed if you call them by a pet name when their friends are around.

Dogs travel more cheaply on the bus.

Dogs whine less.

Some dogs can be quite talented at singing.

Men lost the World Cup. A dog found it.

Dogs are less reliant on tinned food but after a few cans, a dog will still be able to stand up.

And there are some things even a dog won't drink - like the remains of a three-day-old warm flat beer that they found on the floor behind the sofa.

You can leave a dog alone in your house without worrying so much about what it'll break.

A dog doesn't care if you're fat!

A dog gets a new coat every winter.

Dogs are not so careless about leaving puddles on the bathroom floor.

A dog is less likely to leave a filthy, stinking mess for you to clear up.

For a dog, a wet nose is a sign of GOOD health.

Men are even less useful for testing cosmetics on.

Dogs don't wolf-whistle.

There are still thousands of totally undomesticated dogs in Australia; but far more undomesticated men.

Your dog will never refer to you as 'a bitch'.

In disaster films, the dog is always far more likely to have a miraculous escape.

Dogs do not waste money betting on the dogs.

You can stop dogs getting too randy by throwing a bucket of water on them.

People watch the TV Show ‘Lassie’ for the dog.

If a dog starts worrying sheep, that's just its natural predatory instinct. If a MAN starts worrying sheep, however...we have a more serious problem.

A 'King Charles' is much more likely to be a big, floppy-eared dog than a big floppy-eared man.

You can also call a dog shiatsu without offending it.

"Working like a dog" is strenuous. Working like a man is, ah not.

You can fondle your dog in the park without being arrested.

A dog will encourage you to lose weight by taking more exercise. A man will just remark on how big your ass looks.

Dogs do not attack other dogs for being a different color.

Having a dog around the place can actually ease stress.

You'd feel guilty about turning a dog out on the street.

A dog can take a barrel of brandy to a lost hiker without drinking ANY.

There aren't so many good reasons to keep a dog muzzled in public.

You can buy a dog's affection with a squeaky toy.

A dog will be eager to walk, rather than getting a taxi.

Most dogs are really good with children.

Dogs have a highly developed sense of smell. Men, on the other hand, can quite happily wear the same pair of pants for weeks.

A dog is more useful for tracking down criminals.

Ever body cried when Old Yeller got shot!

A dog might actually take a bath of its own accord.

There's more chance of your dog being able to operate the video recorder.

You can buy a choke chain for a dog.

A 16-year-old dog is very mature.

A dog is easier to keep well groomed.

Dogs have more chance of receiving an award for bravery.

Dogs are easier to house-train.

Dogs do not scratch themselves so much in polite company.

A dog can look as though it understands what you're saying.

Dogs went into space first.

A man will roll over and play dead only if you ask him to get up and make coffee.

Dogs enjoy swimming, and not for the chance to ogle girls in bikinis.

Being a dog's mistress is no reason to feel ashamed.

You can keep your dog tied up if it starts misbehaving.

Saggy skin and a hangdog look aren't half as appealing on a man.

You can train a dog to obey.

A dog in a studded collar isn't kinky.

Few men would answer to 'Lassie'.

A dog is a pack animal. A man is a six-pack animal.

Dogs spend the day sniffing drugs only if they're with the police.

Dogs aren't obsessed with 'doing it man-fashion'.

A dog is a faithful companion.

A dog is for life.

When your hungry, kill the dog and pop it in the microwave.

Even a DOG can get a credit card.

A woman can have sex with a dog and it will never tell. It also can keep a hard on for an hour.

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