NEW YORK NY, USA - A public school teacher was arrested just after 911 at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule, and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
"Al-gebra is a problem for us," Gonzalez said. "They desire solutions by means and extremes and sometimes go off on tangents in search of an absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns,' but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, There are 3 sides to every triangle."
When asked to comment on the arrest, President George W. Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better Weapons of Math Instruction he, would have given us more fingers and toes."
Don't you feel safer now?